Friday, August 3, 2012
Another Piece From My BooK I am Writing
“Do not compare yourself to others. Instead compare yourself to the previous you to help you gain a better perspective on where you are trying to go”
- Joselinn Maldonado
Every woman has a story. There have been times I walked by another woman and I pondered to myself what her story could actually be. Our stories may shape us into the people that we are but they surely don’t define us. They don’t determine where we go next or what type of women we will be in life. Again, we have that power to conclude our outcomes.
A lot of women are walking around broken, no clue as to how to pick up the pieces from some of their stories. Some women are holding on so tight that they don’t know how to let go. Pain, heartache and built up anger are just a few things that will deteriorate the true essence and beauty of any woman. We have to take a look inside of ourselves and question: “What am I carrying around that I want to let go?”
There is nothing marvelous about baggage. Nothing positive can come out of holding on to things that have such a toll on our hearts and minds. Without letting go, you are adding issues on top of issues and its only a matter of time before you collapse. The most strongest and wisest words that any person can live by is: “You have to let go and let God.” Let go of those issues and leave them in God’s hands because He can handle all things if you allow Him to. Stop worrying about things that you have no control over. Instead work on something that you do have control over: Yourself.
Some women allow past relationships to hinder their growth, not understanding how much authority you are giving to a man that was not any good to begin with. That man that came into your life and added injury to your heart had a purpose in your story. Did you ever stop to think that he was suppose to do you wrong? He was suppose to cheat on you so you can draw some conclusions on what kind of man that you really want in your life. How could you know if something is cold if you never felt what something hot feels like? How can you know what a noble man looks like if you don’t know what a immoral one looks like? We learn from experience and sometimes we just have to experience things first hand to really gain the clearest understanding.
We are constantly picking the same kind of man to be with and when they do us wrong we are so quick to yell out that all men are no good. Yes, maybe that “type” of man that you have been dealing with is no good, but there are good men. We are persistently setting ourselves up for failure because we continue to settle and not taking the time out to get to know ourselves first. If you understood the type of woman you are and had a plain view of your worth you will stop attracting these “no good men.” You have become a clear target for weak men by being a weak woman.
I can relate to this situation perfectly. I was a weak woman. I can go as far as saying that by the type of men I was choosing I could have called myself a little bit shallow. I went for men that had street credit instead of good credit. I choose men who wore baggy jeans instead of men who dressed in a decent manner. I didn’t stop to think that a man with his pants hanging off his ass could never be taken seriously in any type of situation other than the streets. I dated plenty of men whose vocabulary was so low that the only way they could express themselves was by using four letter words. I got involved with men who referred to me as their “bitch” instead of their woman. I got caught up with men who hustled the streets every night instead of choosing a real job so he could be home with his family. I did bids with my ex husband. While he was incarcerated, I worked two jobs to keep his commissary stacked and our bills paid. I allowed any type of man in my life that would show me any kind of affection. I needed someone to love me. Why? Because I did not love myself.
It’s nothing but a cycle and once you realize your worth you will realize it’s time to break your cycle. Reflect. Compare the men you have been dating in your life. You will notice the simalarites that each one of those men share. Make a list of all the good qualities you want in a man and highlight the ones you know you can’t compromise on. Stand by your list. Never settle for the first man that pops up, you deserve what you want.
So many women settle because they don’t want to be alone. They are so scared that they might grow to love the person they really are. They need someone in their life to justify the greatness that they already have. Whenever I find myself alone, I use that time to reflect. Reflect on the woman that you are now. Reflect on the woman that you aspire to be. Set goals for yourself so you can reach for that woman you really want to be. You have to learn how to stand alone so you could actually know if you could stand. God removes people out of your life for a reason. When people exit your life it only means their role in your story has ended. Although theirs may have ended new people will always arise. You have to learn to decipher through those people and choose the ones that are worth keeping in your life.
Once you grasps the woman that you are and come into an idea of the life that you want, things will come to you in a more natural way. You just have to learn to trust your womanly instints and hold on to the faith that everything will be alright. Becoming a woman is a very beautiful thing. Growing up and realizing all the choices you have can only mold you into a better woman. It could open your eyes to a new light. It could bring you to the realization of all the things that you wanted for yourself but just thought those things were hard for you to attain. Anything that your heart desires can be yours.
Like with anything you gain in life you have to be willing to put in work. You have to be willing to make the first move. People can guide you and be a motivation to your life but if you are unwilling to make changes for yourself, then you will always find yourself at square one. You will never make it past your thoughts. You want to go beyond that little voice inside your head, because if you don’t find the strength it’s more easy than you may think to get stuck.
Sometimes we can be our worst enemy or I like to say, our worst critic. A lot of times we go back and fourth convincing ourselves that we can not be more than what we are. Or we make up excuses, because it’s less scarier than making life changes. I will admit change can be a very scary thing, but becoming stuck in a place in your life that continuously leads to dead ends is much more scarier to me in my book. You have to decide what you really want to do. You have to reflect on yourself and decide if your worth it. I know your worth it, but that means nothing if you don’t know. You have to be the one to take the first step and walk out on faith.
The beauty of a woman is to evolve and to use the situations you’ve been given in your life to grow. Sometimes we are just dealt difficult hands in life. Some of our paths may differ and be more hard going to deal with from one woman to the next, but there are lessons in everything that we go through. There is room for growth in every condition we have to face. What is great about life is that you do have the opportunity to engrave what happens next.