Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A little of my book

The Truth
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


    A lot of people stray away from the truth because in hard times, it’s not what we really want to hear.  I can sugar coat things for you and you can walk away, after reading this, feeling the same way you did when you came or I can give you the truth.  I choose to be as honest as I possibly can be.  When finding yourself you have to first step out of that shadow you’ve been hiding behind. 
    There are many kinds of shadows in life.  My shadow just happened to be my abusive ex husband.  I lived his life and did things he told me to do.  I allowed him to control when I smiled.  I wore clothes that he liked. I found myself constantly walking with my head held down.  I did those things for so long that I became an image from inside of his head and I lost sight of who I was completely.  After I stepped outside of his shadow it took me a while to find the person that I was.  I searched high and low for myself.  I tried to commit to memory all the things that I did and liked before I met him.  I must confess it took a while, I just could not get back in the grove of me or at least who I thought I was.   It took me so long because God did not intend for me to go back to the person that I was, I had to move forward to that woman I was going to be.  Our lessons and the things that we go through in life is what shapes us into the people we become.  So whatever shadow you are hiding behind: whether it is an unhealthy relationship, a job your unhappy with, your children, your family, lies that you tell; whatever your case may be, it’s time to stop hiding. 
    You can not put so much time and effort in making other people happy that you forget about your own happiness and well being.  Women are naturally care takers so it’s only normal to want to do so much for others, but to compromise your own happiness is obscured.  If you really stop to think about it, it’s a little extreme.  Although our shadows may be different from one woman to the next, the fact that you can admit that you are hiding is a major first step. 
    So many women waste years of their lives before they realize the truth. A shadow does not necessarily mean something negative, it could just be something that you put so much into that you forget about yourself and sometimes loose yourself in.  For example: your family, children and work.  Sometimes our families and children can consume so much of our time that we don’t have time left for ourselves.  Take a break from cooking every night, put the children down a little earlier for bed, have a movie night where you can just relax.  Don’t work so much overtime at work, sometimes the money is just not worth it.  These are just a few things you can do to give yourself a little more “you” time.       
Women like the new term “superwoman” but in being all these women we are forgetting the one person that matters the most: yourself.  It’s okay to want to do for your children and family, as you should, but that’s not all your life has to be about.  Make time for yourself.  Date yourself. Read a book to yourself.  Hell, have a drink with yourself.  Whatever you need to do to give yourself a little you time and keep that smile on your face I say do it.  It is extremely okay to recognize what you have accomplished and treat yourself for it.  You have to give credit when credit is due and most of the times women fail to give themselves credit.  We think just because it’s a responsibility that it’s not work when really it is, we just get paid differently for it. 
    I love truth.  I think honesty goes a much longer way than telling someone and yourself what they want to hear.  The day I decided to be honest with myself and my feelings is the day my life began to change.  Some people like to call it denial, but I like to call it as I see it: lies.  No one can help you seek out what you are looking for when you are constantly being dishonest about you and your situations.  Why cry out for help when you pretend on a daily basis that everything is good?  You’re a real woman with real feelings, not a character inside of a book, so stop role playing.  At the end of your script you will be filled with a lot of hurt and plenty of regrets. 
    Everyone will never be on the same page as you.  You may come across people who don’t agree with what you feel and that is okay.  One thing that I have learned on what I call “my journey home”  is that I am entitled to my feelings.  I can cry when I want to cry, even if it doesn’t make sense to the next person why I am crying.  If it is what I feel at the moment, I will embrace it.  Pretending is not an option for me and it should not be an option for you.  Once you tap into your real feelings you will get a better sense of who you are because you are no longer pretending to be other people.  You are no longer a copy of a copy.  You are you, the woman God designed you to be. 
    As  women,  tapping into your emotions may be a roller coaster ride at first.  Some days will be better than other days. We are emotional creatures, we think with our hearts.  We are passionate about what we say when we express ourselves.  A lot of times we expect people to listen and understand why…
    Truth: Everyone will not understand.  Some people may question your thoughts and your reasons. Some may even question your heart.  But to be completely honest with yourself you have to choose to let go of what other people may think of you and just do whats best for you.  When you make the decision to become a better you, you are saying to yourself that you are worth it.  I am saying to you that you are worth it.  No matter what life has taken you through or taken from you, you can and will overcome.  You are a woman and your foundation is strength. 
    In your tears, there is growth.  In your pain, there is growth.  In your loss, there is growth.  In your suffering, there is growth.  No matter what your circumstances may be, there is growth.  You have to embrace it.  You have to know that everything that you go through  is for a reason.  God will never put more on you than you can bare.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  You have a purpose but in order to reach your purpose you must find yourself. 
    At some point in life, we all get lost.  Everyone ventures out out of curiosity.  Some women get lost in a man.  Truth is truth and I am here to speak on it.  A lot of us don’t realize when we do loose ourselves in a man that it‘s not that mans fault for taking us through the drama.  Its the lack of love and self worth we have for ourselves which allows us to just accept anything. When  we are  looking for someone to love us we end up settling for the first man that gives us anything that may feel like it could be love.  Confused because we didn’t know ourselves, so we settle. If you truly had an understanding of your self worth, you would  never allow such disgrace in your life.    Now that we are on the search for ourselves, we no longer have to settle for anything.  
    Still to this day I cringe a little thinking about what I went through with my ex husband.  Sometimes, every inch of me wants to blame him for the trials that we faced.  After all, it was he who thought a man should beat on a woman.  It was him who attempted to bash my name and destroy my character. Unfortunately, it was I who allowed it.   At that time I did not know my price tag.  I allowed him to treat me as if I was something off a clearance rack when in actuality I belonged in a show case.  Sometimes we just have to take a back seat to pointing the finger and evaluate the facts because majority of the time the finger points right back at us. 
    I just want every woman to know that life is amazing, and your life can be anyway you want it to be.  You have the power.  Life is what you make it.  Never be afraid of tomorrow and never be ashamed of yesterday.  Real women are not perfect.  Real women will and always will be searching for what their hearts desire.  Real women have ups and downs.  Real women get tired. Real women are so many things that we are everything.  We just need to get a better grasp on ourselves so we can be better at those every things.    

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