Friday, April 29, 2011
You made me cry
You said those words
You said goodbye
I gave my love
I gave it all
I gave too much
I still fall
You don't really care
You aren't really true
You just couldn't say those words
You could not say: I love you
I still die
I dare to tell a lie
I still cry
I learned to say Goodbye
who would care?
Who would even notice
that I'm not there?
Who would take on
the many dreams I sought?
And who would battle love
in which many years I've fought?
Who would cry
in the mist of my death?
Whose heart would ache
because I left?
If I should die
where would I go?
Who would pray for me
that to heaven I flow?
If I should die
who would side
with love for me
If I should die?
Monday, April 18, 2011
mommy is on her way
holding your baby brother in your arms
cant go out to play.
His crying is getting louder
there's no milk in the house to feed him
Your fingers he sucks is not enough
it's only a way to tease him.
But don't cry baby girl
because mommy is on her way
she wouldn't leave you alone to fien for yourself
on this cold winter day.
Your only seven years old
left with so much responsibility
looking in your brothers eyes
feeling the liability
Always knew your home was different
because mommy had an addiction
crack cocaine got the best of her
now afraid of your predictions
wipe your tears little girl
get on your knees and pray
mommy's been gone for a week now
don't know if she is on her way
no one has come by to check on you
to make sure you were alright
lights not on, heat cut off
freezing while you sleep every night.
still holding your brother tight.
both stomachs are empty
they've been empty for a week
baby brother's crying getting dimmer
because he is getting weak.
So cry all you want baby girl
it hurts, I feel the pain
feeling stranded, left abandoned
for a bitch they call cocaine.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Undressing me with your eyes,
think I can't see?
A little girl on the wrong side of the tracks,
looking for love, and I became your target?
Clueless to the world,
and what it's capable of,
so I fell for it.
A grown man rubbing on a little girls face,
never felt right to me.
Kissing me on my lips, spreading my thighs,
climbing on top of me.
I'm screaming out NO,
I hear it in my head,
replays back so intensely.
A childhood gone, ones innocence vanished
all in that night that you raped me!
You left me there to marinate in my own sulk, my own juices
mixed together with your filth!
And I'm closing my eyes, to open them back up
convincing myself that this isn't real.
But I feel....
I feel the pain in my stomach,
the blood on my hand,
a wetness between my thighs.
I feel my mind shifting,
my tears dripping,
my knees weak as I begin to rise.
I feel the fear in my heart,
my clothes ripped apart,
I even feel the disgust in my mommies eyes,
I feel the shame from my family,
But it's all my fault,
when my daddy raped me that night!
Ad least that's what he told me............
Friday, April 8, 2011
enchanting chocolate skin, as he sleeps
delicate, delightful complexion
his lips, just make me so damn weak
smooth bald head
his hands filled with so much power
the thought of his body next to mine
makes me want him by the hour
nice tight legs
his arms tighten by the grip
he tosses and turns in his bed
while my heart does flips
sound asleep as he is right now
I watch his chest rise
and if his eyes were open
YES! they can hypnotize
but in the morning he wakes up
and goes back to his wicked ways
leaving me only to dream
of those bright sunny days.
to wonder if you still care,
to wonder if you still love me,
to wonder if your still there.
To pray to God for peace
to rain and fall on me,
to guide me through the darkness
and allow my soul to be free.
I close my eyes for comfort
to escape my harsh reality,
to find my hiding place,
away from all this brutality.
I close my eyes for love,
in hopes of someday I shall find,
but only if I choose
to stay away from your kind.
I close my eyes to run
to run from all the dreams that have been stripped from me
to run from all this madness
to run from all this uncertainty
I close my eyes to fly
to fly over all the poverty
to fly over all this sadness
high above all this captivity.
till at last, I find my landing
I've escaped everything that has hurt me
destroyed all the wicked in my past
until I can finally be free.
I want no more dark days,
I want to be free to rise,
and when that day comes,
I too, shall open my eyes.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
trying to find my destiny
configuring my thoughts
knowing you got the best of me.
It's hard to find the light,
trust me, I know.
when I allow you to take me places
I really don't want to go.
Conformed by your thoughts,
molded by your hands,
construed by your kicking,
controlled by your plans.
Then you tell me 'I Love You',
I don't know what that is.
But I'm trying my hardest to pretend I do,
only for my kids.
To love me is to know me,
and I don't even know myself
bound by your darkness
screaming out for some help.
Burning in the fire,
my wounds are cut deep.
Laying right beside you,
afraid to go to sleep.
I hear the birds chirping,
singing a happy song.
Wish someone was there to translate,
to help me get along.
pretending things are alright.
And if I don't do something to change this,
I might die tonight.
Or have I died already?
The person I use to know as me,
is long gone in the wind.
I've been trying to hold my head above water,
only to find out I can't swim.
Where is my life guard?
Shine a little bit of light.
Wipe my tears from my eyes,
to show me it will be alright.
Hold my hand through this pain,
let me cry on your shoulder.
My days are getting darker,
my nights are getting colder!
I no longer have a voice,
when I speak, nothing comes out!
I only hear the screaming inside,
as my thoughts continue to shout!
LET ME OUT!!!!!
I have nothing left to give,
everything has been stripped from me,
and you still want to lay up,
and tell me that you love me?
I can't take it anymore.
living life in death,
smelling the blood on these floors!
I was the one who gave you life,
and you want to take it from me?
Choking me till I cant breath,
thinking you control my destiny?
God knows whats best for me.......
That's why he decided to take me home....
Please take a moment and read this. Pretty Deep!
Thumbs up to this black man..
It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a 20 year old
who requested a response from black men.
I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers.
I am a White female who is engaged to a good looking, educated and loving Black man. I just don't understand
a lot of Black females attitudes about our relationship.
My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none.
As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean,
too argumentative, too needy,
too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.
Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men,
willing to wine and dine me and give me the world.
If Black women are so up in arms about us being
with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes.
I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why
we are so appealing and coveted by them.
Bryant Gumbel left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen,
the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams,
Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones,
Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius , Berry Gordy,
Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes.... I could go on and on.
But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly.
Don't be mad with us White women
because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA
RESPONSE Dear Jamie:
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.
Let me start by saying
that I am a 28-year old black man.
I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house.
So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Black men date white women.
Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy.
The black girls in my neighborhood
were raised in the church.
They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait,
brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy
without too much hassle.
So, they turned to the white girls.
Nowadays, in my opinion,
a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control.
A lot of Black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Black women.
We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us,
drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.
Because of this fear, many Black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is
to control & walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Black men date white women..
Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith,
Blair Underwood, Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds,
Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Black women.
And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie and
Robin Thicke, to name a few.
I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed. Stop thinking that because
you are 20 and white,
you are some type of goddess.
Remember, when Black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt ,
you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Black woman that taught
you how to cook and season your food.
It was the Black woman
that taught you how to raise your children.
It was Black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery.
It is the Black woman
that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.
Black women were born with two strikes against them; being Black and being a woman.
And, through all this, Still They Rise!
It is because of the Black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Black Queen.
It is not
just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them..
that I find most appealing about Black women.
Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls,
their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand
for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their
highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women.
I honestly believe that your anger
is geared more toward jealousy and
envy more so than snotty looks.
If this were not so, then why do you continuously
go to tanning salons to darken your skin?
If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy
with your pale skin?
Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips,
and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous like Black women?
Good Morning I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.
If I were looking for a docile woman,
someone I can walk over and control,
I would give you a call.
But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman.
Someone that can be a good wife
and mother to my children.
Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles.
I am looking for a soul mate.
I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.
No offense taken, none given. Signed, Black Royalty Wow!! We must pass this on to
make the day of the Black Queens of our acquaintances!
SIDE NOTE: I hope everyone has learned and taking something away from this email. When I first read this, I was just in amazement at what kind of knowledge people lack, and what kind of conclusions that other races of women may jump to just because we are a strong people. I am half black and half puerto rican and I feel ...like that both sides of me carry strength no doubt. A lot of times people look at the "black race" as an angry group of people and what they fail to realize is our history. I feel like this "white woman" lacked complete knowledge of our stories and this brotha could not have responded back any more proper. When you lack knowledge about certain things you lack the ability to draw any type of conclusions. She definitely made herself look very ignorant. But one thing that I have learned is that when you don't know something, you could always do your research. No, I'm not the type of person who has a strong opinion or non tolerance for interracial dating, but I do have a low tolerance for the ignorance. Especially when I know better. I don't judge white women, in fact I'm all for uplifting all types of women, but wrong is wrong and right is right. It's not on us to judge this lady because only God can do that, but God also gave us a voice, and I will use mine!
You want to question how I feel
because of what You had didnt grow
You want to question all my thoughts
And all the things you do not know
You want to live in your past
Because you cant move on with your life
You want to blame me for all the things
That you couldnt make out right
You want to shout me out on Facebook
And deteriate my name
You want to post your little comments
To try and make me feel shamed
Your trying to pick a battle
Because you really want me to snap back
But I got to tell you baby girl
Im just too grown for that
Im not going to stoop to your level
And give your life any meaning
Im not going to give you any conversation
Although, i know right now your fiening
Im not going to give you a smile
Or even roll my eyes your way
So whatevers on your mind
You can say what you want all day
Im the type to choose my battles
And frankly your not worth the amunition
Because when I picture you
I picture no competition
I didnt steal your man, or sleep with him behind your back
Im just a woman who met a great man
And its hard for you to handle that
When you didnt get the outcome you were waiting on
I became your target
And as woman, I completely understand
How it feels to be broken hearted
Your his "EX" know your role,
Im the woman who graces his hip
You dont have to like it, but respect it
And thats all im a say on that tip.
Im not declaring war
Or trying to be nasty in any way
Thats far from my style
I just say what I want to say
Right now im being a Lady
And just speaking from my heart
Because what God has brought together
No Woman can tear apart
So as far as im concerned
In our life, you dont exsist
This is my first and last attempt to tell you
Im just too Grown For this!
Side Note: I dont know why women love to continually tear other women down. We should be uplifting each other every chance that we get. This was for one in particular woman who felt the need to lash out on something that I felt like was unjust and did not make since to me, but I just could not find it in myself to stoop to her level, so I choose to be a little more creative to get my feelings out. Hope you enjoyed and ladies I hope you learned something too.
My God said be happy
So that's exactly what I'm going to do
I cant think of one damn thing
that can keep me away from you
You came into my life without notice
And I'll admit I had a few fears
But my God said keep the faith
Because there is not going to be many more tears
So I put my trust in you
I opened my heart and let you in
And not only am I in love with you
But you've become my best friend
My friend yes, the new man in my life,
And not only am I inspired
But I pray that our love stays tight
You are amazing
The true definition of a man indeed
And with God on our side
We have no choice but to succeed
I will admit there are many pretenders
I've seen a lot of imitations
but the Lord knew my heart
And he blessed the situation
I'm no longer moving with hesitations......
You manned up to the role of daddy
I watch you interact with my son
It don't take me by much surprise
But it clarified that you are the one
The truth of the matter is
I'm so in love with you
And living life without you
Doesn't feel like its possible
My Control switch once powerd on
Is now switched to power off
A heart that was hard as cement
You found a way to make soft.
I can say that I divorced the life I use to live
My old wounds are now closed
I've become engaged in loving you
And it feels good to be exposed
Its refreshing to wake up with a smile everyday
I cant hide from the truth
God answers prayers
And you've become my living Proof
............... I love you!
What is it about me that intimidates you?
Tell me what are you afraid of....
I have two eyes, I see like you do.
Explain to me what you are made of.
Is it my voluptuous curves that shortens your breath?
The grace in my walk when I stride?
The honey in my voice when I talk so sweet?
Or the dimples in my cheeks when I smile real wide?
Is it the rise of my chest when I laugh out loud?
Or the smoothness of my Carmel completed skin tone?
It has to be the tenderness of my inner thighs,
Or is it the beautiful arch of my backbone?
Is it the wideness of my hips that gets you so low?
Or in the thickness of my ass?
Or maybe it's just the softness of my feet,
Or in the toning of my calves.
I just want to know, what is it about me that intimidates you?
Let it out! What are you afraid of?
I have two eyes, I see like you do
So tell me, what are you made of????????????
Time and time again
I let this nigga in
Remembering deep inside
All the times he made me cry
Putting myself through
Allowing his self to
Hurting me in many ways
I shouldn't of let him stay......
BUT I DID
He gave me pleasure when I was weak
Now he's in the streets to cheat
Coming home real late
Said he was giving me a break
Told me I was needing space
But i knew he wanted to replace....
WHY DIDN'T I SEE?
Gave this nigga all my time
Was there at the drop of a dime
When he called me I was up
Now look who's fucked.....
WHY DIDN'T I SEE?
Kicked him out, Goodbye
Knocking at my door, Why?
Let him in cause I was in love
If that's what it was
Told me let's try again
He couldn't stand being my friend
I knew it was his way
Of getting me to let him stay......
AND IT WORKED
Now we're at it again
Dealing with a broke heart that I have to mend
And here comes the tears
All because of my fears
Of being alone
With no one to call on the phone
No one to hold my hand
No one to call my man
No one to be there
No one to pretend they care
No one to call mine
No one to share my time.....
Still running the streets, nothing new
Broke ass nigga, will never be true
Came home real late, and I was on fire
With all the games I went through, I was just tired
He came in my face like he was the shit
And I immediately showed him a true bitch
I packed his shit as he sat there and watched
Thinking I was going to cop out and stop
A woman can only take but so much from a man
And I damn sure took all that I can
Still not satisfied, I wanted him to remember me
I wanted to show him that he couldn't be that dog that he wanted to be
So I played the nice card
I told him he could stay
Only for that night
And I wanted him out the next day
And as that fool slept...
I could of killed me a nigga
And if i had some heat...
I would of pulled me a trigga
BUT I CHILLED
Thinking up a plan
So he could understand
Treat him the same
With so much pain
Allow him to see
That he shouldn't of fucked with me
That he cant just tear me apart
And break my heart
And I came up with the perfect trick
I climbed on top of his ass and cut of his...............................
A crazy bitch,
Now this is my story to tell
How a cheating dog has failed
How a good girl gone bad
Because of the dirty nigga she had
And if I could do it agian
I wouldn't of let him in
BUT IT'S TOO LATE
Sista girl if you only knew
The worth of your true self
You wouldn't lay down at night and spread your legs
And take away from your wealth
Searching for love in these nameless faces
Convincing yourself that they'll love you back
You give them tears, they give you dick
deteriorating your beautiful habitat
You've prayed to God, and He heard your prayers
But where is your patience?
Decided to take things in your own hands
Tell me, where the hell your Faith is?
Here comes another John, or Joe, or Bob or Mike
You never really caught his name
You just shared your dreams, and he whispered sweet things
Knowing all the while your pussy was his aim
You decided to go another route and not have sex
Because all your sexual relations have failed
This stranger is at your house, sitting on your couch
Waiting for the fucking to prevail.
He touched you first, told you you were pretty
And started rubbing all over your shit
You pulled away, and told him no
But he said, "I'm a have that pussy bitch"
You got afraid, asked him to leave
He only got up to lock the door.
Turned around, grabbed your hair
and slammed your ass on the floor.
He fucked you hard, all night long
Punching and chocking you as he did it
And your motionless body lays there on the ground
And as for your life, you can forget it
But I just aint wit it......
So if a sista girl is reading this
That means you still have a chance
You don't have to look for love no longer, I love you for free
Hold on to your pants.
NOTE: If you are a "Sista girl" or you know a Sista Girl, know that you are loved. God loves you way more than any man or woman can love you. He can bring you up when you are down, He can fill your heart when it is empty, you are NEVER alone. Prayer changes everything, and I promise (and i am one who does not like to make promises that I cant keep) But I truly promise from the bottom of my heart that when you call on Jesus, He may not be there when you want him, but He is always on time. God loves you, I love you, now it's time to take the time out to love yourself.